Sunday, July 20, 2014

Iron Man 'Packs on the Paunch' in a clear display of lazy Photoshopping

I don't really have any words for this article, I'm just laughing hysterically. I mean really. Sure, this guy courts the media and goads them into awful headlines, but this is a new low, even for the gossip rags.



You can even see a slight bow in the vent on the side of the (presumed) trailer. If you're going to manipulate your images, at least do it in a way that's not completely obvious!

Considering it's nearly a year later, and the Potts/Stark partnership is still going strong, these sources were clearly just more gossip mongers looking for a quick buck.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Iron Troll

We all know that Tony Stark loves nothing better than making snide comments to the media, right? Well. All of us except, it would seem, The Enquirer. They took a troll-tastic one liner and managed to turn it into an entire article:

Even the picture they picked screams sarcasm. But honestly, I think my favourite part is that bubble saying "Sexy WWII Love Triangle!". Because it sounds like the blurb for a really terrible self-published book that's riddled with typos and features less convincing sex scenes than a fifteen year old's AO3 account.

You can practically hear Stark's cackling "I can't believe they fell for that!!" from here, accompanied by the dulcet tones of the Stark Industries' PR department quietly banging their heads against their desks.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

The History Channel conspiracy theories have started

Did anyone else catch this on the History Channel when it aired? We would love to hear your thoughts.


Overall, I thought it was typical far-fetched history channel fare. The whole bit about Captain America being a clone built in a secret satellite laboratory in a 'pocket dimension' was probably the bit that pushed me over the edge.

Tell us about the moments that got you thinking/laughing/eyerolling in the comments!

Saturday, July 5, 2014

War Machine James Rhodes steps into the limelight

My dad loves planes. I mean he loves planes. Some people look at porn on the internet, my dad spends hours looking at aircrafts. He spends hundreds of dollars every year importing magazines like this one, so that he can look at his aircraft porn anywhere he goes. I dug up this copy of Combat Aircraft Monthly in one of the teetering stacks in his office.


Sadly, the article doesn't talk much about James Rhodes himself, but the US Military seemed pretty open about what they're doing with the technology. From what I can gather, they're not managing to get much out of the original creator, but there are a few mentions in there about their own team of engineers, and also the input Rhodes has into the design (he's a rocket scientist too, did you know?). Apparently the suit is very specific to the body shape and size it will fit, and not just anyone can jump in the suit and go!

The Atlantic: Prophetic Publication?

I'll be honest, I don't tend to take much notice of The Atlantic. I don't live in the US, and it's not a publication that's distributed in my part of the world, so when I saw this image floating around on the land of the internet yesterday, I thought maybe it was a fake:


I haven't managed to find the article (it's available on the site behind a paywall), but there's a real sense of finality about it, don't you think? From what I can gather, the piece itself is about how S.H.I.E.L.D. was apparently supposed to be a clandestine organisation, but was far more overt than could be sustainable. Things like the identity reveal of Captain America (not to mention his loud and proud uniform), public confrontations in crowded locations, and the fact that according to some people in the know, the agency was supposed to be under wraps completely, means I'm not particularly surprised about the latest happenings.

On another note, I get the impression they're not very happy with Cap's (lack of) media presence?

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Asking for trouble

Someone I know posted a link to this on Facebook recently, and it was all I could do not to smash my keyboard in response.

I refuse to tell you what the actual website was on principle, because SERIOUSLY????

Let me list the things that are wrong with this:
1. She's been to the gym.
2. No one has time to tan when they're saving the world.
3. SHE'S BEEN TO THE GYM.
4. NO ONE HAS TIME TO TAN WHEN THEY'RE SAVING THE WORLD.
5. WHO. GIVES. A. FUCK. 

Seriously. She's still gorgeous. And she's still lethal as hell. If I were the indescribably moronic individual who wrote this, I'd be watching my back. Because if it's not Black Widow coming after you? It'll be Hawkeye. One can only hope they'll decide to sell ringside seats, because I would pay money to see that. So. Much. Money.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

BoNY movies? Too soon, guys. Too soon.

When it was officially announced that there were two - yes that's right, TWO - post Battle of New York films on their way, I was a bit dubious. Considering it's not really that long since the whole shebang went down, I think it's probably a bit too soon to be offering up a dramatisation of what was essentially an alien terrorist attack, but hey. It's Hollywood. There's no such thing as too soon, right?


If you've forgotten the details, I managed to dig up this spread Empire mag did last year, that breaks down the whole thing. I still have no idea whether to laugh hysterically (particularly at Michael Bay's sure to be atrocious Big Dumb Action Movie), or weep at the exploitation and misinformation. As far as stunt casting goes, I think Bay's film has the edge, with every single main cast member being either horrifying, or clear exploitation of the intended audience. Fincher's is a little more subdued, although he's not left wanting for award winners and nominees. Transcripts at the bottom of the post.



Considering all the recent details that came to light about S.H.I.E.L.D.'s real agenda, I'm pretty sure both of these films are going to be hideously inaccurate - not that anyone is expecting accuracy from the guy that bought you Pearl Harbour. While Fincher is usually pretty good with the details, his film is all about the lead up to the insanity, which we have almost no official information on. Having said that, if Aaron Sorkin is writing the script, I can only hope for some gloriously sensationalised Tony Stark quips a la Andrew Garfield's glorious 'pretentious douchebag' quote.


Now that the release dates are getting closer, billboards have begun popping up. Stark posted this on his instagram a few days ago, looks like he's pretty excited for The Tower. Good to see he has a sense of humour about the whole thing. Cap, on the other hand, was looking a bit embarrassed as he was snapped walking past a bus shelter in New York, after a near miss with what looked like a modified and pilotless Iron Man suit.


I guess the best thing to do now is wait for the trailers. And don't forget about that new Howling Commandos miniseries coming from HBO. OH MY GOD CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW FILLED WITH NEEDLESS AND GRATUITOUS SEX THAT IS GOING TO BE?


Empire Magazine article transcript below the cut