Monday, June 30, 2014

Star demonstrates the very definition of irony

I came across this the other day, and was immediately torn between laughing hysterically and headdesking repeatedly.

Do you think Star Magazine has even the faintest understanding of the irony involved here? I'm guessing not, given that last sentence: "We just hope he'll still be around to help save the day next time someone wants to take over the planet!". Um, probably not if magazines like Star keep printing stories like this...

And an Avengers insider? Oh please. It's either a fictional source, or it's Tony Stark trolling the media again. My money's on the latter. Surely no one but Tony Stark could illicit that hilarious facial expression in the picture on the right??

Also, LOOK!! Just as I predicted, it seems that Black Widow has ditched Hawkeye in favour of Captain America. Two down, three to go...

Transcript under the cut

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Mooncup hits a home run, but is the Black Widow ad legit?

A well known feminine hygeine product recently hit it out of the park with genius piece of advertising

The question remains though: Is this a legit piece of endorsement from Black Widow, or just ballsy use of an image that is available for purchase through the Avengers fan society? I can't exactly see BW getting litigious about this, but I would love to hear the official story!

Who knows, maybe she's sitting in her apartment cackling to herself about all the speculation? Either way, I know I wouldn't want to be bothering with tampons when I'm saving the world, or (in light of recent events) on the run from the government.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Why should I care about Cap's love life?

Okay seriously, I saw yet another tabloid talking about "who's Captain America dating??!?!" when I was at the grocery store.  I thought we'd start to get away from those after all the noise about the attack on New York had died down a bit.  Of course, who am I kidding, there will always be gossip like that, just.

I am SOOOOO sick of the "who's dating who" scene.  Everywhere, really, in music and movies and these superheroes (yes, I'm calling them superheroes, fight me!) and I'm just so SICK of it.

WHO CARES????????

Is it somehow relevant to ANYBODY'S life but the people involved if Cap is dating Tony Stark?  Or Natalie Rushman?  Or Thor, or Hawkeye, or whoever the hell they're saying he's dating now?  Maybe I'm just weird for not caring, but it irritates me that this is considered okay to write NEWS ARTICLES about.

Bluh, whatever.  I don't have any ~deep insights~ or anything, I just got pissy and had to vent about it.

Transcript below the cut

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Who the eff is Loki?

Do you guys remember this piece in The Guardian a few years ago?

I've been doing some thinking about it - and more specifically this mysterious horny (LOL) dude with the angry Christmas tree hair - for a while now, especially after what happened in Greenwich with Thor.

I was always a little dubious about the stories floating around about Thor. There were a few of the trashier magazines that were all "OMG, he's a Norse god!", but that always seemed to be more to do with his biceps than anything. I mean, sure, there was lightning flying around during that whole aliens coming out of the sky deal in New York. But there were also ALIENS COMING OUT OF THE SKY. Who's to say that lightning's not an accompanying part of that?

But after Greenwich? Well. Thor fell down the side of the Gherkin and came out of it unscathed. And then there was a huge-ass hammer flying around the place. So...I figured maybe it was worth doing some reading about Norse mythology to see what I could uncover. And in the process, I discovered some interesting stuff about Loki, who may or may not be The Angry Christmas Tree featured in The Guardian's article.

Basically, according to Norse mythology, Loki was a trickster who liked to fuck shit up. Sometimes he was on the side of the gods, and sometimes he wasn't. He wasn't one of the gods of Asgard, but a Jötunn, which seems to be some kind of frost giant or ugly ass creature associated with dark magics. He could shapeshift, which is pretty freaking cool, and was considered a brother or a son by Odin, Thor's father.

Loki and Thor seem to have had a pretty rocky relationship. One story implies that Loki tried to boink Thor's wife (does Jane Foster know about this?!), while another has them having all kinds of hijinks trying to get Thor's hammer back while dressed as women. Plus, you know, Loki's son, A FREAKING SERPENT THAT ENCIRCLED THE WORLD, is traditionally responsible for Thor's death at Ragnarök.

Oh, and one time he disguised himself as a mare to seduce a stallion and then gave birth to a horse with eight legs...

Basically? I'm starting to think that there's more links to those old legends than I thought. And hell, if the Angry Christmas Tree really is the Loki from Norse mythology? We should be pretty damned grateful that Iron Man and Captain America - because there's no doubt in my mind that it WAS Captain America in Stuttgart - were there to save our butts before shit got real bad, real fast... And let's just pray that, wherever The Angry Christmas Tree is now? Thor's keeping an eye on him.

What do you guys reckon? Norse trickster? Or just some dude with a bad haircut and a shit-ton of top secret tech?

Transcript under the cut

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The mere idea of capturing this image terrifies the crap out of me

So remember that weird alien thing that went down in New York? Remember how it was total chaos, and if you were above the tenth floor of anything in midtown, you were probably fucked?

Well, today I was reminded by NatGeo, that there were some crazy fearless people who got amazing shots of the whole shebang. They picked the image of Hulk catching Iron Man as their photo of the decade. I have to admit, I'm inclined to agree, but the person who snapped it is either completely fearless, totally or has some kind of crazy 'I stick to walls' insect powers or something.
Considering it looks as if it was taken on a camera phone, the only place it could possibly have been shot from is somewhere in the middle of the street. Crazy insect powers, yo. Crazy insect powers.

OMG. Superheroes have friends too!

I was at the hairdresser the other day and had the misfortune of perusing their selection of terrible magazines to pass the time. One particular copy of Us Weekly featured this delightful piece [Kim: It's the same issue as that godawful booty poll]. Did you know that men and women can't be friends? I mean, it's just so obvious. The minute you touch one another, even casually, a bed suddenly appears out of nowhere and you can't help but give into your animal instincts...

Black Widow better keep her distance from the rest of the Avengers in public, or we can expect to see a lot more of this type of tripe in the future. After all, there are four other guys on the team that she hasn't been seen casually touching yet!

But hey - at least homegirl is keeping up the Vitamin C intake. It can't be easy, being that "touchy-feely" after saving the planet...

Transcript under the cut

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Don't save the world without proper safety procedures

Apparently good old fashioned values aren't enough for the mothers of America these days. That's right, Captain America - you know, one of the dudes who saved our butts from the giant monsters coming out of a hole in the sky - is under fire from a group of mommy bloggers. It seems that he shouldn't be seen escaping from buildings that are EXPLODING because it will encourage the children of America likewise? I don't even know.

Life and Style should be ashamed of themselves for drawing further attention to this clickbait-y insanity. And don't even get me started on that discussion of his uniform. What do they want him to do? Save the world in jeans and a hoodie? Yeah, I'm sure Cap will get right on that...

Transcript under the cut

Tony Stark is on WIRED, and what's up with that breathalyzer headline placement?

I was at the doctor's office last weekend, and in the magazine pile was this issue of WIRED magazine. I had to have a bit of a laugh at one of the secondary headlines...

I'm not sure if it was an hilarious coincidence, or an intentionally provocative and well thought out piece of design. Regardless, the article was interesting. It had some pretty good analysis of Stark's influence on the tech industry, but then we all remember the clusterfuck that was Stark Expo. Even if we did find out that Justin Hammer actually caused the whole furore, the PR storm afterwards would be enough to drive me to drink. Probably enough to need one of those breathalyzers they tested (it was actually a very informative test, I would recommend reading it on the website!).

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Aliens attempt New York Invasion, US Weekly only cares about butts

Alien invasion? Kind of unprecedented, really. Unless you believe all the global conspiracies about well... just about every event in ancient history. But this time around we had the cameraphone footage to prove it really happened. Along with superheroes.

Superheroes happened.

Superheroes saved our collective asses, and all our tabloids seem to care about literally, their asses.

Thanks, US Weekly, for that insightful coverage of possibly the most implausible event to happen in recent memory.

Check out the gallery and transcript below, to see what they really think about our mysterious (well, apart from Tony Stark) saviors. Apparently the woman should - get this - come with a  parental advisory. As usual, word on the street is used in place of corroborated sources, and they've even appeared to out (in more ways than one) the big green dude. Lord help me.

Transcript below the cut