Thursday, June 26, 2014

Who the eff is Loki?

Do you guys remember this piece in The Guardian a few years ago?

I've been doing some thinking about it - and more specifically this mysterious horny (LOL) dude with the angry Christmas tree hair - for a while now, especially after what happened in Greenwich with Thor.

I was always a little dubious about the stories floating around about Thor. There were a few of the trashier magazines that were all "OMG, he's a Norse god!", but that always seemed to be more to do with his biceps than anything. I mean, sure, there was lightning flying around during that whole aliens coming out of the sky deal in New York. But there were also ALIENS COMING OUT OF THE SKY. Who's to say that lightning's not an accompanying part of that?

But after Greenwich? Well. Thor fell down the side of the Gherkin and came out of it unscathed. And then there was a huge-ass hammer flying around the place. So...I figured maybe it was worth doing some reading about Norse mythology to see what I could uncover. And in the process, I discovered some interesting stuff about Loki, who may or may not be The Angry Christmas Tree featured in The Guardian's article.

Basically, according to Norse mythology, Loki was a trickster who liked to fuck shit up. Sometimes he was on the side of the gods, and sometimes he wasn't. He wasn't one of the gods of Asgard, but a Jötunn, which seems to be some kind of frost giant or ugly ass creature associated with dark magics. He could shapeshift, which is pretty freaking cool, and was considered a brother or a son by Odin, Thor's father.

Loki and Thor seem to have had a pretty rocky relationship. One story implies that Loki tried to boink Thor's wife (does Jane Foster know about this?!), while another has them having all kinds of hijinks trying to get Thor's hammer back while dressed as women. Plus, you know, Loki's son, A FREAKING SERPENT THAT ENCIRCLED THE WORLD, is traditionally responsible for Thor's death at Ragnarök.

Oh, and one time he disguised himself as a mare to seduce a stallion and then gave birth to a horse with eight legs...

Basically? I'm starting to think that there's more links to those old legends than I thought. And hell, if the Angry Christmas Tree really is the Loki from Norse mythology? We should be pretty damned grateful that Iron Man and Captain America - because there's no doubt in my mind that it WAS Captain America in Stuttgart - were there to save our butts before shit got real bad, real fast... And let's just pray that, wherever The Angry Christmas Tree is now? Thor's keeping an eye on him.

What do you guys reckon? Norse trickster? Or just some dude with a bad haircut and a shit-ton of top secret tech?

Transcript under the cut

Bizarre Attack on German Museum
By Reece Pugh

EVENTS took a brutal and disturbing turn in Stuttgart last night, as a man dressed in a strange costume consisting of an elaborate robe and helmet, first attacked the head of security for the Stuttgart Natural History Museum, and then displayed extraordinary talent as a magician, as he delivered a monologue to terrified benefactors.

The museum was celebrating its third centenary, when the man referred to as ‘Loki’ attacked. Bystanders reported witnessing a staff-like weapon, which fired a blue light, and claimed the man was able to move from location to location in the blink of an eye, as well as change the appearance of his clothing as if by magic.

In an even more odd twist, the scene was attended by someone dressed as the fanous WWII American hero Captain America, soon joined by billionaireTony Stark’s Iron Man, and an apparently unmarked aircraft, before emergency services could make it on the scene.

The attack was reportedly part of a robbery. German Police declined to comment on the item or items stolen, but confirmed that ‘Loki’ was working with a team, believed to be mercenaries.
The attacker was taken by the US team, onboard the aircraft, and is reportedly in the custody of a classified international anti-terrirism taskforce.

Seven were killed in the attack, all members of the Museum's private security staff. The SMNH Director also declined comment, instead issuing a statement via a representative, offering condolences to the families of those injured or killed in the assault.

Focus has turned to the Americans’ involvement in suduing the attacker, with questions raised about the jurisdiction of Iron Man, who is still considered a vigilante by most governments. Also under scrutiny is the identity of the stars-and-stripes clad man, whose movement and actions seem to suggest military training of the highest order.

The US Secretary of Defense Robert Gates, was unavailable for comment on the matter. The aircraft is believed to be an experimental transport jet, currently undergoing development by the US Air Force and Stark Industries. Tony Stark...

Continued on page 2

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